My Husband Is Deeply Grieving the Death of His Mother
Grief is physically exhausting. It can actually make someone ill. So if your mother’s grief seems to be hurting her health, make sure her doctor knows about her loss so he can help monitor her condition if necessary. You can also help by making sure your mother eats regular, nourishing meals. Regular talk therapy with a grief counselor or therapist can help people learn to accept a death and, in time, start a new life. There are also support groups where grieving people help each other.
When your spouse dies, your world changes. You are in mourning— feeling grief and sorrow at how to reinforce a floor loss. You may feel numb, shocked, and fearful. You may feel guilty for being the one who is still alive. At some point, you may even feel angry at your spouse for leaving you.
All of these feelings are normal. There are no rules about how you should feel. There is no right or wrong way to mourn. When you grieve, you can feel both physical and emotional pain.
People who are grieving often cry easily and can have:. In addition to dealing with feelings of loss, you also may need to put your own life back together. This can be hard work. Some people feel better sooner than they expect.
Others may take longer. As time passes, you may still miss your spouse. But for most people, the intense pain will lessen. There will be good and bad days.
You will know you are feeling better when there are more good days than bad. You may feel guilty for laughing at a joke or enjoying a visit with a friend.
It is important to understand that can be a common feeling. There are many ways to grieve and to learn to accept loss. Try not to ignore your grief. Support may be available until you can manage your grief on your own. It is especially important to get help with your loss if you feel overwhelmed or very depressed by it.
Family and compassionate friends can be a great support. They are grieving, too, and some people find that sharing memories is one way to help each other. Feel free to share stories about the one who is gone. Sometimes, people hesitate to bring up the loss or mention the dead person's name because they worry this can be hurtful. But people may find it helpful to talk directly about their loss.
You are all coping with the death of someone you cared for. For some people, mourning can go on so long that it becomes unhealthy. This can be a sign of serious depression and anxiety.
Talk with your doctor if sadness keeps you from carrying on with your day-to-day life. Support may be available until you can manage the grief on your own. Sometimes people find grief counseling makes it easier to work through their sorrow.
Regular talk therapy with a grief counselor or therapist can help people learn to accept a death and, in time, start a new life. There are also support groups where grieving people help what time is it on a 24 hour clock other.
These groups can be specialized—parents who have lost children or people who have lost spousesfor example—or they can be for anyone learning to manage grief. Check with religious groups, local hospitals, nursing homes, funeral homes, or your doctor to find support groups in your area. An essential part of hospice is providing grief counseling, called bereavement support, to the family of someone who was under their care. You can also ask hospice workers for bereavement support, even if hospice was not used before the death.
Remember to take good care of yourself. You might know that grief affects how you feel emotionally, but you may not realize that it can also have physical effects.
The stress of the death and your grief could even make you sick. Eat wellexerciseget enough sleepand get back to doing things you used to enjoylike going to the movies, walking, or reading. Accept offers of help or companionship from friends and family. If you have children, remember that they are grieving, too. It will take time for the whole family to adjust to life without your spouse. You may find that your relationship with what do i enjoy doing children and their relationships with each other have changed.
Open, honest communication is important. In the beginning, you may find that taking care of details and keeping busy helps. For a while, family and friends may be around to assist you. But, there comes a time when you will have to face the change in your life. People with this condition may be unable to comprehend the loss, experience intense, prolonged grief, and have trouble resuming their own life.
Signs of complicated grief may include overly negative emotions, dramatically restricting your life to try to avoid places you went with the deceased, and being unable to find meaning or a purpose in life.
Complicated grief can be a serious condition and those who have it may need additional help to overcome the loss. Support groups, professionals, and close loved ones can help comfort and support someone with this condition.
Men and women share many of the same feelings when a spouse dies. Both may deal with the pain of loss, and both may worry about the future.
But, there also can be differences. Many married couples divide up their household tasks. One person may pay bills and handle car repairs. The other person may cook meals and mow the lawn. Splitting up jobs often works well until there is only one person who has to do it all.
Learning to manage new tasks — from chores to household repairs to finances — takes time, but it can be done. Being alone can increase concerns about safety. If you need help, ask your family or friends.
Facing the future without a husband or wife can be scary. Many people have what baby formula is best uk lived alone. Those who are both widowed and retired may feel very lonely and become depressed. Talk with your doctor about how you are feeling. After years of being part of a couple, it can be upsetting to be alone. Many people find it helps to have things to do every day. Whether you are still working or are retired, write down your weekly plans.
You might:. When you feel stronger, you should think about getting your legal and financial affairs in order. For example, you might need to:.
It may be hard to give away these belongings. Think about setting aside items like a special piece of clothing, watch, favorite book, or picture to give to your children or grandchildren as personal reminders of your spouse.
Having a social life on your own can be tough. It may be hard to think about going to parties or other social events by yourself. It can be hard to think about coming home alone. You may be anxious about dating.
Many people miss the feeling of closeness that marriage brings. After time, some are ready to have a social life again. Read about this topic in Spanish. Eldercare Locator toll-free eldercarelocator n4a. Well Spouse Association toll-free info wellspouse. NIA scientists and other experts review this content to ensure it is accurate and up to date. Doctor's Appointments: Tips for Caregivers.
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How to support someone who’s grieving
Approaches to easing your husband's grief can include remembering the good times spent with his mother. Acknowledge your husband's deeply felt pain and if he cries, allow him to do so without judgment. Place large-scale decisions on hold temporarily while your husband grieves, since it is difficult to think clearly when a person is grieving. There are many practical ways you can help a grieving person. You can offer to: Shop for groceries or run errands. Drop off a casserole or other type of food. Grief for the death of a mother is one of the hardest things we face in life, but nearly all of us have to face it at some time. Everyone's grief is different, and we all have our own ways of coping. We may feel some or all of the emotions of grief at times, or we might just feel numb and blank.
When romantic partners grow together, it becomes inevitable that they will see each other through life's most tumultuous and traumatic experiences: death, loss, illness, failures, the list goes on. Often, you will be the first person that your partner turns to in times of trouble. It's often a lot to handle, but it's also a beautiful and necessary aspect of a strong partnership, which is why knowing how to help a partner grieve is key.
As Dr. Josh Klapow , a clinical psychologist, the biggest challenge is that grieving people rarely know what they want or need in order to feel better.
And that's why paying attention and keeping an open mind is one of the best things you can do. While you have, of course, survived your own trying times and can reflect on your personal coping mechanisms, it is important to remember that your partner's struggle is unique and individual to them. You can't assume that what worked for you will benefit your partner, but you can listen to them , hold them, run errands for them, sit in silence with them, etc. Just be present. As a side note, remember that in order to take care of your partner, you have to take care of yourself.
Supporting them through a period of grief is necessary, but exhausting. Get enough rest, eat well, and relieve your own stress with friends, family, and relaxing activities. No one likes to watch the person they love get upset. You feel powerless and desperate to ease the pain. You may even feel uncomfortable because you are so uncertain of what to do. But if your response to your partner's tears is "don't cry," even if it is meant in a comforting way, it can disrupt their healing process.
First of all, the act of crying can be extremely cathartic. Secondly, if your partner's grief is causing tears, then they really need to let them out in order to move on. It is something they have to go through, so let your partner know that it is safe to break down in front of you. Since crying is not a part of each individual's mourning process , this sentiment remains true for anger, depression, silence, etc. Your partner needs to manifest their emotions, and knowing they can do so without judgement will be a big help.
Similarly, keep ensuring your partner that their emotions are valid, and that they don't need to pick themselves up and carry on just yet. But if time goes on and it's been weeks or months, and they still aren't functional, gently bring up the benefit of seeking outside help.
If they are missing work or falling into depression, for instance, it's time for them to reach out to a therapist for support and advice for coping. Remember, there is no right or wrong way to grieve after a loss. Your partner may need to cry, or take a few days off from work, or sit in silence, so allow them space to do all that. It's also OK to plainly ask what they need. Checking in will remind them you're there, while also providing them with a chance to explain exactly how they'd like to be helped on any given day.
Sometimes there truly are no words, so don't feel like you have to fill the silence while your significant other grieves. Instead of talking, spend time together in bed, on the couch, on the porch — wherever they might feel most comfortable — saying nothing. The only thing that your partner really wants is for their grief to be less intense. You can't make that happen, as much as you may want to.
But you can help them with daily tasks that will make their life easier. Let your significant other know that you will take on all responsibilities. Or just do things on your own, if you know what needs to be done. Your partner likely won't be able to think of anything other than what they have lost, so this type of practical help will be necessary. There are so many go-to statements that people use in times of loss. Keep in mind, though, that not everyone finds them comforting.
Maybe your partner doesn't believe in an afterlife or a higher power. Maybe they do, but that still doesn't justify their loved one's death. So instead of tossing around greeting card sentiments, "you can offer a simple expression of sorrow , such as, 'I'm sorry you're going through this,' or 'I don't know how you feel, but I'd like to help in any way I can,'" Choudhary says. One of the most important roles that you will take on during this awful time is that of a listener.
Your partner may initially react to the loss by not wanting to open up at all. Let them know that you are ready to listen whenever they are ready to talk. Once that moment comes, your partner may need to vocalize the same emotions or memories over and over. That's normal and beneficial for the mourning process. If they need to talk about their loved one's cause of death, or take a walk down memory lane, let them do so as many times as they'd like.
Following the loss of a loved one, multiple people reach out to those in mourning. Their sympathy is usually beautiful and appreciated, but it can also be extremely overwhelming. If that ends up being the case, take on the role of spokesperson. Your partner will probably not have the energy to respond to countless phone calls, emails, or Facebook messages, not to mention doing so may even be triggering, a people who mean no harm may ask invasive questions.
Spare your partner by acknowledging and thanking those people for them. It'll be one less thing they need to worry about during a traumatic time.
Your partner will stop crying every day. Their routines will return to normal. They'll laugh again. It will be easier. But grief doesn't really ever end. It's important to come to terms with that, and to recognize there's often a lot more going on under the surface.
Sabina Mauro , a licensed psychologist, tells Bustle. All you can do, as they sort through their grief, is continue to support them, Mauro says. It's an essential part of a relationship, but it won't necessarily be easy. Anniversaries, birthdays, and holidays will be heartbreaking , but together, you two will learn how to get through it. Remember, it's often tough for a grieving person to pinpoint what they need. If your partner doesn't know what will help, that's when you can offer ideas that may provide momentary relief, such a long hug, a back massage, a good laugh, etc.
Once they're ready, you can move onto other coping mechanisms, Saxton-Thompson says, such as going for a walk, planning a healthy dinner, running a warm bath. Josh Klapow , clinical psychologist. Sabina Mauro , licensed psychologist. This article was originally published on Sep.
By Rachel Sanoff and Carolyn Steber. Updated: May 6, Originally Published: Sep. Here are 10 specific ways that you can help your partner cope during tragic and stressful times. Let Them Cry.